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Fieldston Outdoors Mummer’s Play

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illustration ©2016 Veronika Gadjosova

Part of a series of articles on
Preparing a School Winter Solstice Performance

Fieldston Outdoors Mummer’s Play
by Walter Bitner & Jody Kruskal1995

Cast:

Fool
Johnny Jack
Mayor
Dragon
Saint George
Hobby Horse
Doctor
Townspeople

*       *       *

Fool

(Sweeping the stage)

Room, room, make room, Fieldston campers all!
Pray, give us room to rhyme!
Our play we wish to share with you
In this glorious summertime!
So enter, Johnny Jack I say!
And tell us, what are we doing here today?

Johnny Jack

(Enter)

In comes I, poor Johnny Jack
I’m always told that brains I lack,
But my wit is here, sharp as a tack. (uncovers head)
My wit is sharp for all to see
And feel it here if you don’t agree!

(Fool touches Johnny Jack’s head, reacts)

I welcome you to our fair city,
Not very big, but very pretty.
And here’s the mayor to shake your hand,
And welcome you to our fair land.

(Enter Mayor shaking hands, waving to the crowd, Townspeople follow)

Mayor      

Hello, hello, hello! Nice to meet you! (etc. ad lib)
I hope you like it here, cause gee!
I want you all to vote for me!
But we have a dreadful problem here –
This dragon has us all in fear.

(Enter Dragon, Townspeople boo)

But as your Mayor I promise you:
To find a champion bold and true
To rid our town of this foul beast
Who on our friends and family feasts. 

Dragon

I flatly deny these charges made!
I only eat popcorn and lemonade…

Townspeople

Liar! Not true! (etc.)

Dragon

For breakfast!
And if I ate a person or two…
Why, it’s more for me and less for you!

Townspeople

Saint George!  Where’s our hero?  We need him!  We need Saint George! (etc.)

 (Enter Saint George, Hobby Horse)

Saint George

In comes I, Saint George!

(Townspeople cheer)

From Britain I did spring,
I am the darling of the land,
I play checkers with the king!

Hobby Horse

(aside)

He usually loses!

Saint George

This dragon here who troubles you
Will not withstand my derring-do!
Be gone, foul worm!

(Dragon moves closer to Saint George)

Dragon

My body’s made of iron!
My head is made of steel!
My claws are made of beaten brass!
No man can make me feel!

Saint George

Dragon-slaying is what I do!
Hey look! You forgot to tie your shoe!

(Dragon starts to look down, then catches himself)

Dragon

A trick that old won’t work on me,
I wrote that line in 1903!

Saint George

Prepare yourself to meet your maker!
I’ll prove to you that I’m no faker!
En garde!

(They fight.  Saint George displays his sword, the Dragon his tail.)

(After a few passes)

Dragon

(To audience)

With just one blast of my fiery breath,
I send Saint George to meet his death.

(Dragon breathes on Saint George)

Saint George

That’s mighty warm, his breath.  It reeks!
But I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks!

Hobby Horse

He never brushes them!

(Saint George breathes on Dragon, Dragon faints.)

And the winner of today’s match is: Saint George!

(Hobby Horse holds up Saint George’s hand.)

(Townspeople people cheer, hug, etc.)

 (Then…)

Townsperson 1

I thought the dragon was really bad.
But now he’s dead, it makes me sad.

Townsperson 2

Last winter when my fire went out,
He warmed my house with his red hot snout.

Townsperson 3

He ate a few of us, I admit.
But I didn’t like them one little bit.

Mayor

Poor old dragon.  Holy cow!
Who’s gonna bring in the tourists now?
Is there no one here who can cure our dragon?
There’s something wrong, his tail ain’t waggin’!
Doctor!  Is there a Doctor in the house?!

(Townspeople call for the Doctor.)

Townspeople

A penny for a doctor…
A nickel for a doctor…
A dollar for a doctor…
A brand new Fieldston Outdoors T-shirt for a doctor… 

Doctor

(Enters)

I’m a doctor, what seems to be the problem here?

Townsperson 4

Our pet dragon just died.

Townsperson 5

Can you cure him?

Doctor

Your dragon’s dead?  Well, mercy me!
Curing dragons is my specialty!

(Doctor examines Dragon.)

(Rummaging in doctor’s bag)

Somewhere here I have a potion.
It works quite well as suntan lotion,
But also it will raise a dragon from the dead.
I just have to pour it on his head.

(Doctor picks up Dragon’s feet, gets ready to pour.)

Townspeople

That’s not his head, that’s his feet!

Doctor

A common medical mistake, I assure you!
Wait!  I forgot!  I have to stir this until it’s clear.

(He stirs.)

Is it clear yet?

Townspeople

Clear as mud!

Doctor

(He pours potion on Dragon’s head.  Nothing happens.)

Wake up dragon and heed my station,
Or else you’ll ruin my reputation!

Townsperson 6

This doctor is a quack.

Townspeople

Quack, quack, quack….

Fool

I’ll raise the dragon from the dead.
The cure’s in the heart, not in the head.
Will a child stand forth, innocent and pure?
To kiss the dragon and effect the cure!

(Fool brings a volunteer from the audience to kiss the Dragon.)

(Dragon wakes up.)

Dragon

What a dream I just had!
I dreamt I was a fierce and terrible dragon
Who liked to eat people for dinner.
But now after my near-death experience,
I’ve become a vegetarian.
I sure am hungry after my long sleep.
Anybody got a veggie-burger?

(sings)

Good morning, everyone!
A-sleeping I have been.
And I’ve had such a sleep,
as the like has never seen.

All

But now he is awake.
Alive unto this day!
Let the dancers have a dance,
And the Doctor take his pay!

(Morris dancers enter, dance.)

End.

©1995 Walter Bitner & Jody Kruskal

Click here to download this script as a PDF:
Fieldston Outdoors Mummer’s Play

This play is free to copy, distribute and amend for educational purposes;
please credit Walter Bitner & Jody Kruskal as the original authors.

Traditional mummer's play closing song

*       *       *

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9 Comments

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